Making Memories
by Dreams for an Angel
Summary: When Jack gets back, how can he deal with what happend to him while he was away? My first Fic, really nurvous, Comments please:-


Chapter 1 – The past

Jack lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He had got into the habit of going to bed with Ianto and after the nights fun, he would just lie next him, listening to the steady breathing as ianto slept. He still went to bed even though ianto wasn't with him. To keep the memories alive, wishing he was in the past. Wishing he had never ran away with the doctor. Why? To chase some wild dream that he would find an answer. Find peace. Having to accept he would never die was almost as hard as accepting the things that happened aboard the Valliant. He knew he hadn't yet. He knew he was living in the past. Didn't want to change it. He rolled over and reached for the headphones on the floor. He had a stereo in his bedroom, ianto had insisted on it. Music made it 'interesting' he said, and jack had to agree. They had only ever used the headphones twice but jack had discovered they made things even more interesting. Now he always used them, playing back memories at full volume. Blasting all other thoughts from his head. Jarring his thoughts. The closest to oblivion he could reach. The song started half way though:

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you_

He closed his eyes, he would have to start over new now. If Ianto wanted him back, although Jack didn't know why in the world he would want him. Start over, first date, were to go? He drifted.

That was how Owen found him 5 hours later when Gwen asked him to "go an look for jack for gods sake".

After shouting "Harkens" a couple of times and getting no response he opted to switch off the stereo while his doctor side tried not to think about the consequences of playing music so loud. Jack opened his eyes, the music still ringing in his ears-

_The smile when you tore me apart  
You took my heart,  
_

He opened his eyes, "What?"

Owen stared at him for a moment then muttered "its 8am an you need your head checked" before turning and disappearing back into the hub. Jack sat up, he was stiff from not moving and he had a headache. God he needed a coffee, were was Ianto? He closed his eyes briefly as he did every time he thought of Ianto. Stiffly he made his way to his office and sat at his desk pretending to do paper work and trying to ignore Owen and Gwen's frequent glances in his direction. At about quarter past 8, Ianto entered with a cup of coffee. Jack smiled and muttered 'thanks' as he always used to and Ianto nodded. Just like old times. How he wished… he shook himself mentally and turned back to the paper work.

Ianto watched Jack as he sipped his own coffee, battling with his own emotions. He was attracted to Jack, always had been. Wasn't so sure when it had become love but it had, sometime in the days after Lisa he had stopped thinking of Jack as the boss and started to think of him as someone closer. Very close. Then Jack had gone. After that kiss, just taken off. It was clear that whatever had happened to him while he was away had affected him deeply. Even Tosh, who was not the most observant of people had noticed how quiet and distant he was. Almost as if he's not entirely here was how Gwen had explained it. And he kept rubbing his wrists. Owen had wandered over to Ianto one day and said in the direct way of his "ya know, if I didn' know better, I'd say our Jacks got PTSD" Ianto had stared at him but Owen had just shrugged and wandered off. It had set Ianto thinking though. What had happened to Jack while he was away? Who was this doctor? Ianto had been angry at Jack for going, for just running away and not telling anyone. But he had always assumed that when Jack got back, he would moan at him for leaving, jack would apologize, maybe tell Ianto a bit of what he had been doing , not the whole story. No Jack never told the whole story, but he usually told Ianto more than he told the rest of the team. Then they would go back to how they used to be. It had completely thrown Ianto when Jack asked him out on a date. It worried him, seeing Jack so unsure. He knew he should go to Jack, talk to him but he didn't know what jack wanted. Why ask Ianto out on a date if he didn't want things to change from last time. Ianto finished his coffee and carefully put all Jack related thoughts out of his head before going to do the washing up.


End file.
